I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
