you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
