Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
