You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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