Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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