You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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