3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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