Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
