Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
