You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
