Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He felt like a one man threesome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
