It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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