i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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