one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
