I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
