well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
God, I missed his penis.
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