Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
