Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
