Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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