Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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