He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
