that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
