smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
