my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
