whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
