Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
