Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
