Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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