Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
