im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
