I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
