I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize