why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
