dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
