The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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