so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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