she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
