I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
