im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
