There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
