Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
3pm strippers are depressing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
