how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
