you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
