how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
