Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
