the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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