I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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