Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
