She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
