someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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