It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
