we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
