can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
