Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
