I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
