I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
