just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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