Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
