....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
