My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
