I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
