It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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