Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
