On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
