now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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