I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
