I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
