just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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