While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This toilet bowl is my home.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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