this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
