theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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