You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
