why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize