Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
